4-2-06
|
I can’t forget that day, when from life you fell; Engraved upon my heart remains our last bitter farewell. It didn’t seem spectacular, that day that was your last, Before the fact so ordinary, yet tragic once it passed. All the time, no matter what, you always smiled at me, Even when the thought of dying weighed so heavily, I don’t know how you did it. Could you teach me how? How to act like all is well, even when I’m down? I’m not fooling anyone. I can’t act like I’m all right. My heart contorts my face in front of people out of spite. Why did you do that to me? Did you think silence would soothe? Why couldn’t you trust me enough to just tell me the truth? If you knew that you were dying, why keep the pain inside? Did you not think me strong enough to help you if I tried? Did you think I would betray you? Or that I’d run away? Did you think it would be awkward ‘cause I’d not know what to say? Yet how much harder was it, the way you chose to go? Without any warning, you left me all alone. I thought we were the best of friends, I thought that you would be Open enough to keep me close when you most needed me. If you didn’t want to pain me, you should have looked ahead And seen the pain you’d leave behind, seen my tears instead. No matter why you didn’t tell me, I still want you to know That I am so sorry that I let you suffer alone. Did you think that this would leave me happy for a bit, Even just a moment more, before the lamps are lit? But I still cannot comprehend—you always laughed the same; I don’t know how you could have let me smile, while in pain. It may have seemed predestined, maybe you gave up too soon. Maybe I am holding on to the shamed wish of a fool. But the hole you left inside me is too big for me to fill, And even after all this time, I feel alone still. I can’t claim to have the answers, I don’t know what to do, We had to part, to say goodbye, and we had to part too soon. I do not know the future, or what its tales may tell, But engraved upon my heart remains our last bitter farewell. |
I don't know what character was in my mind. But his emotions pushed through here very strongly. "Why did you do that to me? Did you think silence would soothe? Why couldn't you trust me enough to just tell me the truth?" It's a dual pain; one is a sting similar to betrayal, that he was not told, the other is guilt, for not having done anything. They go hand-in-hand; if he had known, would he not have helped? And not helping, is it not because he didn't know? So whose fault is it? But still, "I am so sorry that I let you suffer alone." It's an interesting state of mind...