Poetry: Broken Dreams (3-5-06)

Broken Dreams
3-5-06

I feel like a grain of sand, wishing to be a star
A light for all who see me, whether they are near or far.
But no matter what I wish, I’ll remain a grain of sand,
Nothing will change the fact that a star’s not what I am.
When I look back on the road of life, I see what I have wrought—
Dreams that were shattered, hopes that came to naught.
Once upon a time, those things are what made my heart beat,
But now they are little more than stones beneath my feet.
The path of my life is made of dreams that I once held dear,
But looking back, my heart will break, from sorrow and from fear.
Instead of looking back, maybe I should gaze ahead,
For things must get better, or at least that’s what they said.
But I am too afraid to look, for the stones in front of me
Look suspiciously like the ones behind—a path of broken dreams.
I am just a little girl, somehow wishing to be great,
But those dreams that I now love will become dreams that I hate.
When I fail, time and again, my heart will hide in shame,
Guarding me from ever hoping that I’ll dream again.
The path of life behind me, and the path of life before,
Show me I’ll see breaking dreams for now, forevermore.
Though I gaze through a veil of tears, I know just as it seems,
The stones are what I fear; I walk a path of broken dreams.

I really felt like this when I wrote it. I do occasionally suffer from bouts of depression, and this one was induced by talking with my dad about writing. I realized I can't do it. Good writers have life experience, so maybe with a lot of work I can be a decent writer by the time I'm fifty. Sucks, huh? My talents are all pretty useless. I mean, writing, poetry and art are only useful if you're really good. Otherwise you'll starve to death. I get the talents that are only useful in massive quantities (which I do not have). Lucky me.
But I am a dreamer at heart, though I've surpressed that side of myself with pessimism; I escape reality and dream up better talents, a better life, for myself. Even though I know these unrealistic dreams will only shatter...

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