3-25-08
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The lights are bright, the music's up, but you don't want to join This celebration's just too far detached When the lights die down and the party ends, it'll all be just the same This mirth is something that can never last There's cheering, laughing, dancing, joy, so many people here You're by yourself, your face is set as stone The sounds of laughs just chill your bones, they make you want to retch When you're surrounded you can still feel so alone Your face is buried in your knees to shut the music out But your head screams loud enough to block Your face is blank, but your heart screams bitter tears beneath your act No matter what you do, it's not enough No one sees you, crying child, are they blind, or are you invisible? Or, maybe, it's just that no one cares You're shrouded in your agony while they all play a game of masks You already knew that life's unfair Something in you wants to scream, to tell them all to leave you But you can't find the courage so to speak You want to kill this pretended joy, you want to kill their lie You want to kill yourself for being weak To find meaning in the meaningless, purpose in the accidental You've lost yourself in a sea that does not end Now you're too far gone, and all the many kings' horses and men Can never put you back together again You're too shattered, too broken, too wretched, too lost You'll never find your way home This place is your shackle, your prison, your sanctuary Though you're surrounded, you're still so alone Tell me, child, how did you get here? How did you fall so far? Don't wait 'til after buying to count the cost We're lost in our mind, never to return, don't search for us, we're not here You and I are one, child, you and I are lost. |
I was feeling... well, unbelievably weird. I was sick, for one thing, with just about the worst cold of my life, and my ears were swelling so badly that they felt plugged. It was like everything outside of myself was muted. (Which was really annoying, because my stupid ears were processing two different pitches for every one I heard, so everything was off pitch. I'm a musician with very good pitch, so that makes me want to kill someone.) Add that muted feeling to mild depression and an introspective personality and you get this really strange poem. As a random note, my favorite line is "You want to kill this pretended joy, you want to kill their lie / You want to kill yourself for being weak." One of my best friends liked the line "Don't wait 'til after buying to count the cost" best. And did you notice the Humpty-Dumpty reference? I was so sick, I thought it was a good idea.